Love is expressed and received differently depending on preferences of the parties in love. It is expressed and received in what we call ‘Love languages’ and if there is a discord in how it is expressed and the preference of the recipient, the relationship may be marred with misunderstandings.
It is important to know your love language and that of your partner so that the relationship remains healthy. I know that when you hear this term you quickly think of a romantic relationship (Guilty, right? lol….), but these languages are also important to consider in other kinds of relationships.
The love language theory was developed by Gary Chapman, PhD (Hughes and Camden, 2020). The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.
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1. Physical touch
This involves acts of touch like hugs, holding hands, hugging, kissing, caressing, stroking of hair and having sex (Hughes and Camden, 2020). It provides emotional closeness, security and reassurance to the partner who prefers this love language. One thing to note here is the need for establishing healthy boundaries regards to the level of touch one would prefer and the conditions. For example, for an unmarried couple, a partner who is touchy may perhaps want to have sex, whereas the other partner may find it unwelcome or uncomfortable to have sex before marriage, so it will be important to define and set clear boundaries.
2. Words of affirmation
This is a love language that involves the verbal expression of one’s love. This can be through telling your partner you love them, saying thank you, encouraging them, complimenting them and communicating your feelings. With some individuals or in some cultures, people may find it difficult to verbally express their feelings or sentiments. For example, saying ‘I love you’, for some people it is difficult and this might be due to background or culture.
For a person whose love language is this one, they may find certain statements offensive, calling for their partners to be careful with their words. Consistency of affirmations is also very important here.
3. Quality time
Partners who prefer this love language like spending time with their partners with undivided attention (To please this person you need to keep your phone tucked away and your schedule free when you are with them). This agrees with findings by Bunt and Hazelwood, 2017, that the success of the love language depends on partners practicing self regulation.
These partners like to hold deep and long conversations, heart to heart talks and doing activities together, in order to strengthen the bond.
4. Receiving gifts
This involves the giving of thoughtful gifts that may not necessarily be expensive but communicate love to the person receiving them. What is more important is the thoughtfulness and emotional meaning of the gesture that brings deeper emotional connection. For example, when you know that your partner likes roses a lot and you make sure you buy them a bunch of roses every month, this shows them that you care, you understand them and would like to keep them happy.
Giving gifts is considered an investment into the relationship (Hughes and Camden, 2020).
5. Acts of service
This involves you helping your partner in doing certain activities as the saying ‘Actions speak louder than words’, goes. For example, offering to help your partner with typing their handwritten meeting minutes to help ease their workload.
This love language communicates thoughtfulness and deep care to your partner and so it should be done without the partner asking for it to make impact. Forgetting and lack of effort may communicate that you do not love and value your partner.
Benefits of knowing your partners love language
- Knowing your partner’s love language helps improve communication in the relationship. Spending quality time having deep conversations definitely improves communication between you two.
- Most of the misunderstandings in a relationship may be due to miscommunicated or uncommunicated needs, so communicating your love language to your partner may reduce misunderstandings.
- Increase emotional intimacy– Being loved right obviously improves the love bond between you and your partner.
- Foster relationship satisfaction – According to Hughes and Camden, 2020, partners that are loved in their love language experience satisfaction in their relationship.
- Help partners feel valued and appreciated– this is more defined in the acts of service and words of affirmation. A thank you or a special meal for your person makes this possible.
Practical ways on how to use the love languages
- Communicate your needs clearly
- Be intentional in your actions
- Create time for each other
- Be consistent
- Avoid making assumptions
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Key takeaways
- A person can have more than one love language but may have one that is most prominent.
- Love languages can change over the course of time.
- You can know your own love language by checking what makes you happy, what you require from your partner and how you express love.
- Love languages also apply to non-romantic relationships
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Finally, love languages provide a helpful framework for understanding emotional connection and communication in relationships. While they are not a guaranteed solution to every relationship challenge, they can help people become more intentional about expressing care and affection. By learning how you and your loved ones experience love, you can build stronger emotional bonds, improve communication, and create healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Sources
- Hughes JL, Camden AA. Using Chapman’s five love languages theory to predict love and relationship satisfaction. Psi Chi J Psychol Res. 2020;25(3):234-244. doi:10.24839/2325-7342.JN25.3.234
- BUNT, S. and HAZELWOOD, Z.J. (2017), Walking the walk, talking the talk: Love languages, self-regulation, and relationship satisfaction. Pers Relationship, 24: 280-290. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12182
Written by:
Laura Mlambo
Medically Reviewed by:
This article was reviewed by the OhHealthWorld Editorial Review Team using credible health resources and public health guidance to ensure accuracy and clarity for readers. Information is intended to support general wellness education and should not replace advice from a qualified healthcare professional.
Last Updated:
20 May 2026
